How to Get Rid of a Ghost by Dean Winchester
by Skye Flying
Summary: After writing a process analysis paper for English, I imagined it was similar to what Dean would have written for one of his English teachers, just to tick them off.


Justice Caldwell

September 17, 2012

Process Analysis Essay

English 1301-Mr. James

After moving into a new house, you may find yourself inheriting a few items from the previous owners: a crack in the wall, a coat hook, a broken water heater, and quite possibly a ghost. In the event of violent or premature deaths the spirits of the deceased may linger in their homes, trying to extract revenge or complete an unfinished task. In the process they may destroy your home, scare your children, and prevent you from enjoying a good night's sleep. While depressing spirits do not feel they can move on, ghosts are easily dealt with when compared to demons, stalkers, werewolves, or fairies. Protecting and cleansing your home of a ghost through the use of iron, salt, and expulsion techniques will quickly and easily leave you with peace of mind, and a better night's sleep.

Iron is your first defense against a ghost. Ghosts can move objects around your house using electromagnetic energy; you may discover books out of place, your keys hidden, doors mysteriously locked, or flying furniture. Ghosts who have had substantial time to master control over their powers can manifest as transparent, washed out likenesses of their bodies in life. Iron is an excellent conductor of electricity and can absorb the electromagnetic power of a ghost, weakening it and providing temporary banishment. Most fireplace tool sets and some decorative fixtures, such as crosses or candle mounts, are made of iron. These items can be thrown through a ghost, or in the case of a fire poker, used like a sword to slash through a ghost, forcing it into hibernation for a few hours. It should also be noted that the more pure the iron, the better it will work against a ghost. While the metal can be found in many everyday items, older tools and cast iron skillets are most effective against ghosts. Finally, be sure that the iron is not rusted; rust will inhibit the iron's effects on a ghost. Iron is a ghost hunting necessity; it gives you power to defend against ghosts, better motivating you to fight for your home.

Salt is also essential to protecting yourself against ghosts. Salt is a pure substance that wards off evil. Ancient writings on the occult explain that a supernatural entity (ghosts, vampires, demons, etc...) must count each grain before crossing a line of salt, and therefore it is impossible for ghosts to cross unbroken and maintained salt lines so, thicker lines with smaller grains are the most effective. While pouring a salt line in front of your bedroom door seems like a good idea, this will trap and irritate the ghost if it is in the room with you. Instead, draw an unbroken circle of salt around your bed when you require rest during the course of your home's haunting. A circle of salt prevents the ghost from messing with your mind or breathing down your neck while you sleep, preventing exhaustion and better preparing you for dealing with the ghost and your real life. Always have salt near by, and anytime you sense danger from the ghost, draw a circle of salt around yourself and continually verify that the circle remains unbroken. Finally, the chemical formula of your salt is important, but not its form. While chemistry defines many compounds as salts, you should only use sodium chloride, better known as table salt, and not magnesium sulfate or potassium iodine. Salt comes in many forms: kosher salt, table salt, and sea salt, but as long as it is sodium chloride, it will protect you against ghosts.

Iron and salt can protect you against ghosts, but they cannot expel the ghost from the house. There are only two ways to make a ghost leave: convincing it to move on or burning the remains. Both expulsion techniques begin with research. Using city and county records, often at city hall or the library, find out if there were any deaths in your house or if your home was built on top of a battlefield or graveyard. If you find no evidence of these, research the disappearance of previous owners or anyone acquainted with them through police reports or old newspapers; this may be an indication of an undocumented murder. After determining who the ghost was during his/her life, you must decide if you will try to reason with the spirit. Friendly spirits, who often pull pranks or watch over and play with children, can usually be convinced to move on to the afterlife. Under no circumstance should you use an Ouija board or other supernatural communication devices, as these can invite malevolent spirits, demons, and other bad entities into your home. Simply express your sympathy and concerns to the friendly spirit. Encourage your ghost to move on, but do not threaten the spirit. If the ghost does not leave, or if you do not believe it friendly enough to reason with, you need to salt and burn the remains of the deceased. During your research, locate the resting place of the deceased and dig up the grave. Pour salt over the remains, to insure you will not be attacked, and set the remains on fire with the use of an accelerant, such as lighter fluid or gasoline. Make sure that the remains fully burn and re-bury the deceased. Be aware that disturbing the remains of any deceased is considered grave desecration, a crime punishable by jail time or fines depending on the seriousness of the crime and the state in which you live. It is best to avoid prosecution by burning the remains in the cover of night, completing the task quickly, dressing in dark colors, and keeping your plans off Facebook and Twitter. If supernatural activity continues after salting and burning the remains, verify that all of the remains, including bone fragments, teeth, and hair possibly left in your home, are totally burned. If they are, you may have a different supernatural entity and should Google other resources. Finally disposing of a ghost is time consuming and difficult, but it will allow you a good, fearless night's rest once complete.

Ghosts can be terrifying, and it is understandable if you need help or feel afraid, but as part of the living you have the power to protect yourself and cleanse your home of a ghost. Use iron to fight visible spirits, salt to keep spirits away, and one of the two expulsion techniques to send the ghost away for eternity. Once the spirit is gone, you will be able to sleep soundly with the knowledge that the spirit has moved into the afterlife. Do not fear inheriting a few problems from previous owners when buying a new house. You can plaster cracks, buy a new water heater, and now dispose of that pesky ghost. Good luck facing your ghost, and remember to protect yourself at all times when dealing with any supernatural beings.


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